Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

[conker]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
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> 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
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>Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The
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>blockage will be almost instantly removed.
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> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
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>vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
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> 3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the
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>toilet seat by simply using the sink.
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> 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
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>yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in
your
veins. Remember to use a timer.
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> 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
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>will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you
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>hit the snooze button.
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> 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
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>laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
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> 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer
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>and you will forget about the toothache.
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> 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
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>life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
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>doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does,
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>use the duct tape.
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> 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to
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>know them.
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> 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
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> 11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get
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>another chance.
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> 12. And finally, be really nice to your family and
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>friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
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> IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:
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>If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
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>Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use
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>the bubbles are always white?
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>Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
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>Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
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>that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else
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>over?
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>In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it
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>was in summer when we complained about the heat?
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>How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
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>And my FAVORITE......
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> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four
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>persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your
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>three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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[MADSTOCK]

Nice one Conker.

Keith.

[Jackie H.]

:lol very good Conk :rofl

[peggy]

Brilliant conker, thats put a smile on my face :giggle

[Jacksback]

LOL very funny :lol